Space to Receive

Wild Creek Fire, CO- Taking space, making room for new growth.

How much is in your glass? Do you have enough to give, but also the space to receive? If your glass is half full…or half empty (if you’re having one of those days)- turns out, that’s perfect.

The thing about humans, is I think we really are happiest giving. Some of us could just give- give- give.  We could give so much we throw up. Or make other people. Our cup is overfloweth...with no space left to receive. 

But there’s a bit of a problem there... have you ever given to someone who had no space to receive? There’s a crimp in the flow of relationship.

Pretend you bake someone this fluffy meringue pie. For a few hours you pour from yourself to offer them what you have to give. You gently load it into your car, disable the airbags, drive extra slow, tip toe to the porch, ring the door bell and excitedly await the opening of the door. 

As they open the door they don’t acknowledge this Uber obvious, fluffy thing between you. So…with great anticipation you extend your arms and stiffly they extend theirs 30%. But then it’s like they freeze, and in slow mo- you watch the whole pie topple face first to the ground. They couldn’t do the 20% it took to receive your gesture.

That’s never really happened to me. I don’t bake. But that’s how it feels to me energetically when I try to give to someone who has no space to receive. It’s a hard relationship to foster. 

I think receiving, is at times, a brutally difficult task. Do we make space for it? 

Space- as an idea, as a physicality and as a metaphor has been really centerpoint for me in the last weeks. Holding space, making space, creating space, sharing space, clearing space. My intention for our family trip to Steamboat last weekend was to experience space, to resonate with what it feels like to be amidst vast space , to soak it all in.

Strawberry Hill Hot Springs Cabin- Our little space for a night. My favorite part- the graffiti textured walls and ceilings. Engraved with memories, initials and the knowing that this space was shared with others. It feels communal as your eyes scan across the markings. Reminders that memories live here and people love and live tremendously everyday.

[space-the three-dimensional field in which objects and events occur and have relative position and direction. It has a defined shape and a sense of boundary.]

Inevitably, as a pregnant woman, you grow, you physically take up more space than you are accustomed to. (You’re welcome for that people, a morsel of genius). You have this sense of boundary, extrapolating an invisible safety bubble from your sacral space. So even if you are not as large as you think, you’re really quite certain the two of you are ginormous. Partially because of this instinctual and protective energy, that is like an invisible, blow up, flamingo intertube.

Recently, it’s occurred to me, by trial and error- that I can’t shimmy out the car door of a tight parking job, or slink my way between the chairs at the coffee shop. Instead- my husband loops the parking lot to find a more spacious parking space. The two strangers in the coffee shop make space for my passage between chairs... Causing me to interrupt a conversation- I slouch, I apologize. Then the flamingo, Lake and I, annnnd Atlas shuffle thru. Damn circus parade to get a miserable cup of decaf.

Anyways, In my Coffee shop apology, it has come to my attention that this physical act of taking up space makes me really uncomfortable. Maybe the same reason I never go into a hotel room and spread my belongings everywhere. I’m the neatly folded suitcase in the corner.  

I guess It makes me feel less invasive to have the agility to fit into small spaces, To be inconspicuous or unassuming. Or maybe I have a hard time taking (receiving) space, someones’ time, or requiring unsolicited attention. (Attention on the dance floor.. use to be a whole different story.)

I noticed recently, as I physically embody more space, I energetically shrink to compensate.  To try and encapsulate that smallness somewhere in my life. Giving myself the reassurance that I am not assuming a “needy” role. But as I constricted myself, suddenly, it was as if everyone else’s energy was a spiraling vortex- vastly overpowering and hovering over me- My own energy muffled... manifesting in feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, frustration and burn out.

Strawberry Hot Springs- Steamboat, CO

When it hit me that this was entirely within my power to shift... I had a big, Fuck That moment.

Like “why am I shrinking, what am I doing??” An epiphany that in trying to live small, it was really me not being able to receive. Not being open to the space that I was being given in this phase of my life.

I can give AND receive….ahh-huh? (lightbulbs) Ahh huh. And both are my responsibility.

It’s my responsibility to validate and intentionally create the space I need. Physical space for Lake to grow, and eventually space to come earth side. WHILE energetically honoring my emotional expansion and spiritual growth, so I don’t get swept away by everyone else. While STILL sharing space and holding space for others... 

I realize there can be a big and balanced way to do ALL those things. The balance of giving and receiving. There IS room for everyone to be in space as the biggest and highest versions of self. To take up space, to create space, to receive. None of us are ever meant to shrink, it doesn’t serve anyone.

Think about if instead of apologizing to the strangers moving the chairs in the coffee shop- I smiled hugely and thanked them for their gift of time and for making room for us, while (Rubbing my belly like Buddha). In that scenario I created connection. I wasn’t assuming, I was grateful and it was a smile I otherwise may not have shared. 

In a way, a meringue pie inspired a lot of this.  Why? EGG WHITES. 

The relationship of an egg white and space. How egg whites can contort to space, how they can give and receive, inspired the balance I want to create in my life.  

Here’s how an egg white spatially navigates to create a half- glass balance.

• Holding space: (giving)

Without judgement the egg white envelops the yolk. Offering the support and protection it has available. Present regardless if the egg is fertilized or not. It has no other objective other than to be there.

• Taking/creating space: (receiving)

When egg whites receive a little oxygen and fuel, they fluff into the most delicate of meringues. As they take up space, growing to their largest physical potential, everyone benefits. People marvel at what happens when you give egg whites some sugar and air.

• Sharing space: (giving and receiving)

Think of it all sweet and cuddled up with its yolk in that shell.  Together manifesting a common objective, or at least keeping each other company until Figure Fitness day, when….

• Clearing space: (washing the glass, starting over)

Someone breaks the trust of the shared space (shell), it simply removes itself from the situation... by slurping past the breaker, slipping from its grasp. Or becoming an egg white omelette… in which case it would be giving again…(metaphor flaw)

“It is in the space between the inner and outer world, which is also the space between people — the transitional space — that intimate relationships and creativity occur.”

–D.W. Winnicott, "Transitional Objects and Transitional Phenomena"

Making our mark….

So receive space- take up the space to share a moment of yourself, to share your truth or your smile. Create spaces that foster peace, community and creativity. Share space with those that inspire you and nurture your being.  Know when to hold space for someone else- when your undivided presence is a life raft  in their turbulent waters. And know when to clear space, when to let go, when to move on from a negative space. 

When experiencing an energy shrinkage, which we all do from time to time, allow a few moments  to acknowledge it. Find the reason you are playing small. Then turn to whatever kindles a flame in your being. Whatever allows you to receive a greater energy. Whatever fills you up so much, you can see a cloud of light surround you. And embody the feelings that activity gives you. Be that light.

Take up the space. Be the meringue. Live big!- ya fluff balls.

If you made it this far, Thanks for the gift of following me thru egg space landia. I receive.

At least…Im working on it.